CLUB SENDS LOVE TO PYONGYANG
SYNDICATE FAMILY DAY
AT CALLALIN LODGE
Luddenham, January 2012. Team Callaughan graciously hosted a tour of Callalin Lodge for Smoke Da Greyhound syndicate members and their families. Guests were given VIP access to all areas, even spending time getting sneezed on by the "kennel" pony.
At days end, the Callaughan's were surprised to be awarded ESG&EC's accreditation standard ESGEC ISO 00001, the highest standard available for kennels. The accreditation recognises quality in accommodation, feed, spatial awareness, animal handling and swimming pools.
Video clips of the day can be viewed from the New Pups area of the web site.
NRL TIPPING COMP
NEEDS YOU!
Earlwood, January 2012. Tipsters of all skill levels, especially patsies, are invited to participate in the ESG&EC's 2012 NRL Tipping Competition.
The NRL season commences on March 1st and the $80 entry fee must be paid before then. Tipsters are required to make 10 picks each round, a mixture of Scratch and FootyTAB selections. A detailed rules and guidelines page can be viewed in the NRL Tipping Comp area of this web site.
Profits go to assisting the club's many underachieving golf and euchre players.
CHAMPION GREYHOUND
PUPS FOR SALE
Earlwood, December 2011. Join in Earlwood's most successful Ponzi scheme (est. 1995) by purchasing a pup from the ESG&EC affiliated Smoke Da Greyhond Syndicate.
The surviving 9 dog litter is by Dyna Lachlan out of Smoke Da Tubby and can be viewed at the Callalin Lodge kennels, Luddenham. Dyna Lachlan ia a multiple Group 1 winner and "Tubby" is a Wentworth Park winner.
The asking price is a modest $2400 and all enquiries can be directed to the syndicate manager and accredited Ponzi Master, Notah Kelly III.
MATCH PLAY TITLE STOLEN
BY BANKSTOWN BOVVER BOY
Marrickville, November 2011. The 2011 Match Play Champion is Henney Stenson. He defeated Tubby Waldorf 3 & 1 in front of a healthy and distinctly pro-Tubby crowd.
ESG&EC officials were forced to physically defend themselves from an angry membership after Stenson's victory erased an unwritten rule from the club's statutes. The resignation of long-time handicapper, Professor Dick Shearman, did little to appease the blood lust of enraged spectators.
The mob were finally placated when President Love commissioned the Fatcatsson Review to look at the ESG&EC business model. The findings of the review can be read in the folklore area of the club's web site.
SMOKE DA TUBBY'S
LITTER OF 10
Luddenham, October 2011. The ESG&EC's Smoke Da greyhound syndicate is pleased to announce that our little champion, Smoke Da Tubby, gave birth to 10 pups over the weekend.
The brood of 3 dogs and 7 bitches was sired by Dyna Lachlan which raced 47 times for 25 wins (two Group ones and metropolitan victories at Angle Park, Sandown, Wentworth Park and Albion Park) and 11 placings.
A visit to the Callaughan kennel is being organised to say "hello" to the children and "well done" to mum.
CRENSHAW WINS
NRL TIPPING COMP
Earlwood, September 2011. Newtown Jets Immortal, Kenny Crenshaw, has won the ESG&EC's NRL tipping comp. In a bobbing finish which came down to the last game of the last round, Crenshaw's margin was officially declared as a big nose.
Grantief Goosen finished second, a point behind and lamented what could have been a breakthrough season, "A semi-finalist at the Euchre Championship, runner-up at the World Series of Golf and second here. I've really got no one to blame for this latest catastrophe other than my new life skills coach, Henney Stenson, who in attempting to eradicate my putting yips instead managed to transfer them to my football tipping."
Club mascot and associate, Anthony Blue Sheedy, completed a club trifecta with his 3rd placing.
CRENSHAW NAMED AS 8TH
RUGBY LEAGUE IMMORTAL
Petersham, August 2011. Kenny Crenshaw, the ESG&EC's 2009 Match Play Champion, was last night named as the Newtown Jets 8th Immortal before a packed Petersham RSL auditorium.
Crenshaw seemed initially reluctant to accept his ascension. "It wasn't until Mrs Crenshaw told me it didn't mean I'd live forever, certainly not as long as she had a say in things and access to my super, that I felt comfortable about the award."
Jets supremo, JR Ewing Rowney, said, "Ken's role will be to visit older Jets players, either at home, hospital or jail, and relive their glory days through today's technology. We've loaded an iPod with all 3 versions of the Jets theme song, a withering selection of half time sprays from coaching greats Clarrie Jeffries and Chook Raper, as well as a few ol' Danny Boy calls of classic Jets games, including the 1-0 win."
NICKLAUS NOUS FREES
WESTS TIGERS BENJI
Downing Centre Sydney, August 2011. Club legend Tack Nicklaus appeared for Benji at the Downing Centre Local Court where after a two day hearing assault charges against the footballer were dismissed.
Outside the court, Benji praised the crafty Five Dock legal eagle and said they'd exchanged some career saving advice early in the piece. "His was really simple and elegant - he just told me to tell them to go and get f@*ked. In return, I suggested that if he wanted to remain on my team, he needed to sharpen up his image and drop the 1980's leisure and pleasure clothing range. I think we're both winners now although I'd still like to see him discard the manilla folder briefcase - it's not real secure and it looks cheap."
True to the state philosophy, the funeral of the Dear Leader, Kim Jong-il, was an occasion for North Koreans and a few chosen international allies. Kim Jong-il, aged 69, led the nation with an iron fist following his father Kim Il-sung's death in 1994, died of a heart attack.
The Reverend Moon Hyung-jin, an American citizen and president of the Unification Church, attended the funeral. A Japanese magician, Tenko Hikita, who performed private events making big things disappear for Kim Jong-il, declined her invitation. Earlwood Social Golf & Euchre Club President and fellow dictator, Davidson Full Moon Love III, gratefully accepted his and was a prominent guest of son and successor, Kim Jong-un.
While the rest of the world could only look on and wonder what direction this deeply mistrustful country will take as the world's first communist dynasty farewelled it's second representative and introduced a third, Davidson Love held private meetings in the inner sanctum of the Kumsusan Memorial Palace with Kim Jong-un and top military and party officials. In the absence of Ms Hikita, Korea's new Supreme Leader was apparently very impressed with President Love's impromptu performance of his favourite magic trick, "Look, no hands" on Ri Yong-ho, the country's most senior general.
"Although my visit to this land of boundless opportunity is shrouded in grief, it's great to be in the company of so many living and recently deceased kindred spirits. Speaking with the Sagacious One has crystallised my own views on running a dictatorship. Those traitors who besmirched their Chosen One at the R&A in November will be dealt with on my return to Marrickville. I was overwhelmed by the reaction of the North Korean people when they heard Henney Stenson had won the Match Play Championship - tens of thousands lined the snowy streets of Pyongyang yesterday wailing and clutching at their hearts, calling for the result to be overturned and erased from the history books," the Workers' Party mouthpiece, Rodong Sinmun, reported Love as saying.
President Love is expected to return home late December prepared to implement new internal dissent policies which will carry the backing of the nuclear-armed North Korean military.
