CLUB FOLKLORE

FORD FUNK SPEAKS OUT

The following is a transcript of an interview conducted with Ford Funk, winner of the Spring Match Play Championship, taken from the ESG&EC Golf Digest.

David Feherty Q:  What did you do with the prize money that you received from winning the Championship?

Ford Funk A:  Four days later I dropped the whole lot into a wanger at the Hunters Hill Hotel.

Q:  The Championship was your first major win.  Has it changed your life?

A:  No.

Q:  Surely after such a win you'd have received a number of lucrative offers to play in exhibition tournaments?

A:  No.

Q:  I am truly surprised.  Have you received any offers?

A:  Yes.  At 2.00 one morning, actually it was a week to the day after my win, I received a telephone call from Rochester.  He told me that if I gave him the prize money from the tournament (AUD$250), he would give me a piece of paper on which he had written the PIN number and access codes to large savings or TAB accounts held by two prominent and wealthy golfers, Seve Hemosteros and Tubby Waldorf.

Q:  What did you say to him?

A:  I told him I had lost all the money a few days ago at the Hunters Hill Hotel.

Q:  What happened next?

A:  He said "Shit!" and hung up.

Q:  Did you hear from anybody else?

A:  Yes, Don Lane rang to congratulate me.

Q:  Don lives in New York!  How did he find out about your win?

A:  Well I hadn't spoken to him for some months.  He rang because Rochester had rung him trying to sell him the same details.  During their conversation Rochester told him that I had won the Spring Match Play Championship.

Q:  What else did Don Lane say?

A:  He didn't say much - he was more annoyed than anything else.  After Rochester's call, he'd received a number of unwanted telephone calls from Tom Murray, a very persistent character, who was desperate to find Rochester's whereabouts.

Q:  Anything else?

A:  He did say he'd just bought a really big glass coffee table and he was hoping to have a few friends round soon to lay down some cable.

Q:  I don't think we'll go there.  Have you been getting in a few rounds for the upcoming Match Play Championship?

A:  Yes, I have been playing at R&A with my son, Max.

Q:  There doesn't seem to be any standout player in the field this year, can you repeat your victory?

A:  Is young Aaron Faldo turning up this year?

Q:  Last question, where will the Kogarah Gold Cup be held this year?

A:  We'll play at Balgowlah and eat at the Grand View at Hunters Hill.  We have to return to the old venues.  Last year I had to sit next to Tack Nicklaus in a Chinese restaurant whilst I was sober.  I am getting too old for that.