CLUB FOLKLORE

DICK DROPS OUT – BACK IN NEXT YEAR

January 21 Engadine

Golfing legend, Dick Faldo, has announced his intention to miss this year's World Series of Golf.  His new management spokesperson, Deb the Decent, read Dick's statement at a large media gathering.  "I regret that, due to personal and business commitments, I will be unable to play in this years World Series.  The week of tournament play is an arduous and expensive adventure and I do not have sufficient time nor funds to prepare for its demands.  I hope my many fans will not be disappointed and I am devoting all my energies and spare coins towards playing next year.  Good luck to all competitors."

Dick, along with fellow sexagenarian and legend Arnold Palmer, is credited with bringing the big crowds and lucrative sponsorships to the World Series with his "quick wing" swing and socially intemperate drinking.  Tournament spokesmen, Java Haas, said, "While his absence is a major blow to organisers and fans alike, it will give a number of the younger members a chance to jump out from under his enormous shadow."  Mr. Haas declined to put a figure on the cost of reprinting tournament posters but denied suggestions that Dick's dome may be (h)airbrushed over to salvage the posters.  Fans wanting a refund of tournament tickets can contact the nearest Dicketek office.