DAVIDSON LOVE IN TOURNAMENT TRIPLE TREAT
October 24 Marrickville.
LATEST NEWS
WORLD SERIES
The week of golf will be known as the "Love Tour" in recognition of the instant mass appeal of our new president, Davidson Love III. Only weeks after assuming control of the ESG&EC, he has received acceptances from XIX (19) members to play on the Central Coast, a new tournament record.
Approval rating figures supplied by Big Jack Daley, a close advisor to the president, show Love's popularity has reached unprecedented levels, peaking at CXV (115)% in some areas of south-western Sydney. Mr Daley said, "As much as these figures may surprise some, they have been independently audited by Edwardo Romero, a renown numbers man. I think some of the club's powerbrokers backed the right trojan horse in the presidential race."
RECENT NEWS
DATE SET FOR
WORLD SERIES
In his first decree, President Davidson Love III has announced that World Series XXII (22) will be held the week beginning Monday, May XVIIth (17th). Courses to have fallen in line with his plans are Toukley, Morisset (carts), Gosford (carts) and Tuggerah Lakes. Race day will be at Wyong on Tuesday.
At the same time, Love declared roman numerals to be the official numbering system of the ESG&EC. "I think the membership will be less confused if there's only VII (7) or VIII (8) characters they've got to remember."
OLD NEWS
MATCH PLAY
CHAMPIONSHIP
Kenny Crenshaw is the inaugural winner of the Stephen Angry Anderson trophy after claiming the Match Play Championship. He defeated Boo Boo Weekley III (3) and I (1) in sweltering conditions on a baked R&A course.
Crenshaw blitzed through the opening VII (7) holes to leave the hapless challenger, a hot favourite to win the title, in danger of failing to reach the XVIIth (12th) hole. Weekley's play eventually improved and he whittled away at Crenshaw's lead to keep the match going until the XVIIth (17th) hole.
Players and the large gallery are to be commended for their efforts on a day totally unsuited to the noble pusuits of golf and spectating.
The Holy Grail of Golf, four majors in a decade, appears at the mercy of the Croydon super golfer, Davidson Love III. The young shark mannequin claimed his 3rd WS Cocks Plate Match Play Championship in 6 years today with a scintillating display, combining powerful driving with a deft touch around the greens. Love, after a perfect front nine on The Royal and Ancient Marrickville links course, was never in trouble against an ineffective and out of sorts Per-Ulrik Fatcatsson.
In presenting the winner with his blue jacket with white pinstripes, club handicapper, Tubby Waldorf said, "This jacket is made out of finest Waldorf family tartan and it gives me great pleasure to present it to you. May you continue to bring home the bacon in future years." A gregarious Davidson said, "I've always felt confident about winning this major, even when I was a golfing nobody. Putting on the Waldorf tartan is a real buzz, a part of the grand tradition of this event and, let's be honest, it gives me a walk up start if I want to take up a butchery apprenticeship. From the moment this years draw was announced I've had a horn thinking about my chances." Mindful of further embarrassing his family, Davidson moved on to thank them, his supporters and tournament sponsors, and promised to defend his title next year.
The runner-up, Fatcatsson, was presented with a sleeveless T-shirt in the Cavey Pavin family tartan - white with a large yellow L printed on front and back - by Club President, Java Haas. Although conceding he was clearly outplayed by a focused and experienced opponent, the runner-up muttered darkly about an incident on the first tee. "I got stung and it wasn't by a bee." Urged to elaborate, a despondent Per-Ulrik said, "He psyched me out. He won the toss, shook my hand and whispered in my ear, 'Ever been this close in a major Ohio Fatboy? Your grip feels as slippery as a walrus!' Well that was it, I just turned to jelly." Asked about the personal nature of the sledge Davidson responded, "Rubbish, absolute rubbish. It's not part of my game. I just wished him all the best and happened to mention he reminded me of a young Tack Nicklaus, or possibly an older Craig Stadler. He must have misunderstood the compliment. Anyway, from what I observed today, losing a few pounds wouldn't do him any harm."